Speak to me, Mr Thakur
One night, while in deep sleep I heard a sound, “Speak to me, Mr Thakur”. The voice was glib, but scary in the deep dark night as I opened my eyes. I looked around to find no one but my drunk friends lying around. “Alcohol talks” I whispered, before closing my eyes and going back to bed again.
“Talk to me, please talk to me. You have been so busy lately that you have abandoned me. Looks like you don’t love me anymore” I heard, while taking a warm shower. “Stop thinking about yesterday night. It was just a dream” I told myself, but I felt my heart beat faster than ever. My mind couldn’t control my heart beats. I ran out of the bathroom to dress up and to go meet a few friends so that I don’t stay alone.
After spending some amazing time with my friends, I was back to my loneliness. I took off my clothes and slept. Right in the darkness, I was woken up by the ferocious sound. “Why are you running away from me? I am your friend. You gave me so much time when we were kids, but now. You are afraid of me, aren’t you?” it asked. I was shit scared. Drained in sweat due to nervousness, neither could I move an inch in the big dark room, nor could I open my mouth to shout aloud for help.
This repeated for a week, and the voice followed me to office, home, parties, everywhere I went. I was exhausted of running away from it, so I decided to close it for a day and forever. I decided to talk back. Gathering a lot of courage, I spoke “Who are you” I asked, “What do you want from me?”
Not getting any reply for some time, I was happy that I had made the voice run away, but it replied. “Who do I sound like?” it asked.
I was horrified. “I don’t know you, Please for the sake of GOD, say it” I replied with tussle.
“I am your lungs, nervous system, liver, intestine, everything” it said.
“Are you a psychopath?” I daringly asked, but I didn’t get any reply from other end. I waited for hours, but in vain. I slept off waiting and the next morning, it all looked like a dream. “It’s a call from my internal body. I have to stop drinking” I thought, before deciding to visit specialist doctors like neurologist, dermatologist, orthopedic, cardiologist and normal physicians too. But nothing helped. All my tests results stated that I was healthy. Surprisingly, I was happy. I went back home planning to have a glass of wine in the mid shiny afternoon, and the voice spoke again. “Celebrating without me?”
I threw away the bottle of wine and decided to visit a psychiatrist. While speaking to my psychiatrist, I heard the sound again. “I am your psychiatrist. I am the solution to all your problems. Stop running away from me” it said. I finished my session and went back home, furious, and filled with agony.
“Who are you”? I yelled, as loud as possible, yet so silent that even the person standing next to me couldn’t hear.
“I am you, you asshole. It has been so many years you haven’t spoken to me. You don’t even remember my voice, your own voice? Shame on you”
“Me? You are me?” what do you mean by that? I don’t talk to myself. Only mad people do that and I am not mad, am I?” I said, speaking to myself.
The voice laughed louder and louder..! “All great people in the world have the habit of speaking to themselves. They sit and analyze the problem they have in their personal and professional lives. They find a solution to it, or if not, they learn the way to solve the problem.”
“But, I don’t have any problems, so I didn’t speak to you” I furiously replied, interrupting myself.
Myself calmly replied, “You don’t have any problem, but you don’t know where you are heading in life. I want you to spend 10 minutes with me every day, to remind you of your goals and to think on what would be the right approach to achieve it. This will not only help you grow professionally but also help you achieve internal peace..!”
Amen..!!! I said. So did myself.
– Shiv Kumar Thakur